Divorce is never easy, but when you add the complexity of a beloved dog or cat into the equation, things can become even more difficult and emotional for everyone involved. This article aims to provide some guidelines for divorce professionals to help their clients address the issue of “who keeps the dog?” (or cat!) in a way that minimizes the conflict surrounding the pets in the short term and long term with realistic expectations for the feasibly of the plan and well-being of the animals concerned.

When separating or divorcing parents have pets in the home:

• Encourage discussion about the dog early in the process. Leaving the conversation about the dog’s future as an afterthought can make the decision harder and more emotional. Without intending to, delaying the subject of the pet’s future tends to make it harder to think about the best interest of the dog itself, and instead the pet may be used as a bargaining chip or negotiation tactic. Try to make the plan about pets with their best interest in mind. While there may be ownership rights, pets are so much more than property and deserve more consideration than who gets the lamp?

• When considering having the dog move between homes along with a child, also consider if the dog is truly attached to the child or not. While the parent’s desire to let the dog provide a sense of stability and comfort is understandable, the dog’s needs and the impact on each family member must be honestly assessed. Not all dogs have the capacity or personality to be relied on by children for emotional support. If the dog does not choose to spend time with the child, or does not follow them around the house, seems uncomfortable when the child is emotional or avoids interaction with the child, the parents should rethink having the dog move between homes with the child.  It actually might be harder on the pet to be separated from the adult with whom the pet is most bonded or upon whom the pet is most reliant.

• The most common misconception in pet custody matters is the belief that shared custody is inherently beneficial for the dog. From a canine behavior and welfare standpoint, shared custody is often not ideal and rarely recommended. Frequent transitions between homes can induce stress and anxiety, potentially leading to unsustainable outcomes for the dog. Shared custody may simply postpone the inevitable decision of establishing sole ownership. Although it may seem to alleviate short-term emotional distress, it can ultimately prove stressful for both the animals and the people involved. Shared custody may be viable if the dog is exceptionally adaptable, and the co-owners maintain a consistently peaceful and reasonable dynamic. Dogs also pick up on and sometimes absorb conflict, much like humans. Many dogs experience significant stress from fluctuating routines, potentially manifesting as anxiety, health issues, or behavioral problems.
• Cats need to live in one home! Except in highly unique circumstances, moving between two homes is not a sustainable routine for cats. Because of their natural territorial instincts, cats need one stable place to call home. For children who love cats the best result may be having a cat at each parent’s house. Be mindful of the type of pet when helping clients navigate a living arrangement for the pet.

To set up the family for success when sharing a dog suggest the following:

• When a dog moves between homes with a child, both parents need to agree about basic house manners, routines and expectations. For example, if the dog is allowed to sleep on the bed or cuddle on the couch in one parent’s home and not the other, this can create confusion and stress for the dog. It is crucial that, when sharing a dog, both parents have the same broad sets of rules for the dog in order to provide the best chance for success.
• During a transition to the other parent’s home suggest someone immediately go on a walk with the dog. The switch to the other parent’s house always has an adjustment period for a dog. For some it is a few hours, for others a few days. The best way to facilitate an easier changeover is for the dog to go for a walk and sniff around the house before going inside. Walking and sniffing for at least 20 minutes allows dogs to decompress and will help them reorient themselves. If a child tends to sit on the couch and hug the dog, encourage explaining to them that the best way to love the dog is by going for a walk. This minimizes stress for everyone!
• Basic home routines should be similar especially concerning meals times and the amount of exercise the dog receives. If a dog spends an hour on a run with one parent every day and is only given a 5-minute walk around the block at the other house, there will likely be some anxious behavior from the dog.
• Any change in the dog’s behavior needs to be taken seriously. Remind clients to be watchful for signs of stress from the dog such as:

*   Reluctance to enter/exit the car during handoffs.

*   Whining, shivering or shaking when approaching the other home.

*   Inappropriate elimination inside the house.

*   Increase of aggressive/defensive body language.

*   Destructive habits.

*   Loss of appetite after transitioning to the other home.

If the dog displays any of these behaviors it may not be coping well with having two homes. If so, the best result is likely for the dog to live with one parent, and, ideally, the other parent would get a dog that could live with them. In this way the child could have special relationships with two beloved pets, and the dogs could also be at peace.

Karis Nafte is a prominent figure in the field of pet custody mediation, as the founder of Who Keeps the Dog, Pet Custody Mediation. With 25 years of experience, she is a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant (IAABC No. 6602) and an Accredited Family Mediator. Karis specializes in guiding families through the intricacies of pet custody disputes arising from separation, divorce, or other life transitions, combining her expertise in canine behavior with legal insights to prioritize the welfare of all involved parties.

As a global thought leader and published author, Karis recently released *Who Keeps the Dog, Navigating Pet Custody During Divorce* (Dogwise, 2024), the first book written on this topic by a dog expert. She has also established an innovative training program to teach best practice in pet custody to divorce professionals. Karis Nafte practices in South Africa, Australia, and the United States.