Working with families who are in the process of restructuring, as we do, is hard work under the best of circumstances. I have had the dubious honor of trying to maintain my practice in Saint Paul, Minnesota, as our state, particularly the Twin Cities metro area, has experienced a surge of over 3000 federal agents in what is being described as “the largest immigration crackdown in [recent American] history.” Regardless of your politics and/or your feelings about the federal government’s handling of this situation, there are undeniable practical implications for providers. Here are a few things I have experienced since the crackdown began just over two months ago, along with some “pro tips” gleaned from some of my colleagues.
1. Virtually everyone has been affected in some way. Some facets of the crackdown are obvious. You’ve likely seen videos of Renee Good and Alex Pretti being killed, or footage of interactions between residents and federal forces that include armed officers in tactical gear using chemical irritants and other non-lethal weapons to subdue targets, observers, and often bystanders. As much as you may have seen, it is likely a tiny sliver of the imagery we are exposed to locally, both through legacy and social media, and through direct observation. It is inescapable here at what feels like ground zero. This mass exposure to violent, chaotic scenes, whether in person or virtually, has a cumulative effect. There is a general and pervasive air of chaos, uncertainty, and unrest.
Pro Tip. Assume that the people you encounter are experiencing inordinate stress on some level on a daily or near daily basis. Clients and colleagues alike may have experienced anything from mild inconvenience (their favorite restaurant may be closed or have limited hours, their cleaners may have no-showed, or a construction project may be delayed due to staffing shortages in immigrant-dependent industries) to stress (their child may be asking questions they do not know how to address, or they may have witnessed a lawful or unlawful detention of a community member or loved one with no way of tracking their whereabouts or providing legal assistance) to trauma (they or someone they know may have experienced or witnessed violence involving a federal agent). None of this is normal. Check in, be curious, and listen. Acknowledging the extraordinary circumstances and extending care and kindness can help them - and you - reregulate and be more able to focus and tend to the business at hand.
2. Safety concerns are real. In the Twin Cities, there are many people who feel too unsafe to leave their homes at all, including children who are unable to attend school. This applies most acutely to families with members who are undocumented, but also disproportionately affects people of color, non-English speakers, and people with accents, regardless of their immigration or citizenship status. Some people in the metro area have not left their homes in two months. The resulting loss of income makes these families more vulnerable to losing housing and may render them unable to obtain groceries and other necessities. For families in which domestic abuse is present, victims may be unable to access resources that helped keep them safe before the crackdown. At the same time, people who use violence may experience negative reactions to the external restrictions on their autonomy. These combined stressors place these families at higher risk for volatility and violence. Because many children in these vulnerable families are not attending school, they are at significantly higher risk of being exposed to domestic abuse. For families where one or more members are undocumented, the risk of detention and deportation is often being weighed against the risk of remaining in hiding with an abuser.
Pro Tip. Beef up your safety screening with every client. I now include specific questions in my individual (separate) screening sessions about whether each parent is comfortable leaving the home, if the children attend school virtually or in-person, and if they have access to the things they need. This information helps me manage the meeting with parents more effectively and remain mindful of the impact their experience(s) might be having on the work we are doing. For example, in a recent mediation parents were arguing about children’s haircuts. When I put parents into breakout rooms, one parent informed me that several neighbors in their apartment complex had been removed by federal agents several days earlier. This parent was too frightened to leave the apartment, even though the children were continuing to follow the parenting schedule and attending school in-person. This additional context helped refocus the conversation. Parents quickly agreed to a plan to get the children’s haircut and were able to move on and reach several other agreements.
3. Children are really struggling. Children are exposed to the same uncertainty and chaos as adults but generally have fewer cognitive and experiential tools at their disposal to make sense of it (to the extent that any sense can be made). Many, if not most, schools in the metro area are now offering virtual learning options, and in some areas, teachers are reporting up to 70% of their students are not in the classroom on a consistent basis. Students who do go to school wonder what is happening to their friends as teachers and parents struggle to find age-appropriate ways to talk with them. Some children have seen federal agents at bus stops; some have witnessed their friends being taken into custody. Some parents who are too afraid to leave their homes send their children to school, fearing excessive absences may draw additional to them. Agents have also been observed at hospitals and clinics, so many families are deferring medical, mental health and dental care for fear of exposure.
Pro Tip. This is a tough one. Much like COVID-19, it will likely take years to understand the extent of the impact these circumstances are having and will continue to have on our children. In my own cases I try to keep the focus on how parents can provide a coordinated response to children’s needs. I inquire about the children frequently, offer resources, and ask parents to brainstorm about how to shield them from exposure to the most egregious stressors. If they are receptive, I remind parents that exposure to parental conflict adds to the already heavy developmental load their children are bearing, and it is an “unforced error” they can limit or avoid altogether through effort and attention.
4. Self-care may seem like a luxury. It is not. As overwhelming as all of this is, it can be easy to lose track of how important nutrition, hydration, movement, connection and rest are to our effective functioning.
Pro Tip. Pay attention to your coping strategies. I find myself over-relying on some, and ignoring or avoiding others. For example, I can get myself so deeply mired in doom-scrolling, trying to gather enough information to make sense of what is happening, that I end up sacrificing both rest and exercise. As a result, I am more exhausted and anxious than ever, less able to focus on work and what my clients need, and less emotionally available to my friends and family. Plus, I claim bonus points for the shame I feel about my media consumption and phone use.
Social connection has also been helpful for me. When despair or grief threaten to overwhelm, I have a number of outlets to restore a sense of connection. My consultation groups have been lifelines during these challenging times. In the days just after Renee Good and Alex Pretti were killed, each of the groups responded differently. One group felt almost like a Quaker meeting, with long periods of silent reflection. Another group focused on talking about our anger and grief, processing more externally and generating a resource list for providers. A third group was all business, focusing on cases and process questions. Each of these groups responded to the most pressing collective need at the time, and I felt deep connection and gratitude each time.
This has also served as a reminder that active engagement in volunteer work is always important. The needs of our community are so overwhelming, it seems insurmountable and I never feel like I am doing enough to really help. Yet the more consistently I am involved, making my tiny individual contribution, the better I start to feel. I now block time on my calendar for volunteer work each week, which has helped me be more focused and efficient while also helping quell some of the anxiety and existential threat that accompanies these extraordinary circumstances.
As this goes out, I’ve heard that the crackdown is ending, and that the majority of the federal agents will soon be leaving our state, though there are stories and experiences from across the country. I hope that is true, and I hope that what has happened in Minnesota is not repeated in other communities. I hope you never need to make use of this information. However, in the face of extraordinary and stressful circumstances perhaps some of these observations and strategies will help.
Jennifer E. Joseph is an attorney in private practice; however, her practice focuses solely on providing Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) and other neutral services in family law matters. Ms. Joseph specializes in helping parents resolve custody, parenting, and co-parenting disputes through her work as a mediator, parenting coordinator, parenting coach, custody evaluator, and early neutral evaluator. She is a former President of the Minnesota AFCC Chapter and is also the current Vice President on the Board of Directors for Overcoming Barriers, a non-profit organization dedicated to working with professionals to develop systemic solutions for families experiencing parent-child contact problems.